Prior to my rupture, I had 5 pregnancies; 3 vaginal births, one D&C from a miscarriage and one elective abortion. 

The pregnancy with my rupture child was beautiful. I was healthy, happy & thriving. I worked out multiple times a week and really enjoyed being pregnant. I have no complaints. 

The rupture happened on January 1, 2020. I wasn’t expecting it and it still haunts me to this day. Up until this event, I had a healthy uterus with no issues. My rupture happened due to pitocin use. I felt when it happened. It was excruciating. I was screaming in agony for quite some time, begging for help, only to be ignored and neglected, told to “shut up” and “stop being dramatic.” My rupture started slow, so my baby was okay. It wasn’t until the doctor came in and made me push that the rupture turned catastrophic and ripped hip to hip. After the second push I started passing out because I was losing so much blood. But I was bleeding internally, due to baby position, that I was still being ignored and neglected. They had to use smelling salts to wake back up. The dr hooked up the vacuum and that only made things worse. She hooked it up 3x, yanked on my baby’s head and after the third yank, I passed out and didn’t wake back up, but by then, baby was already fading. She had a HR of 40-60 for a solid 8 mintues before they finally took me back for a C-section and even then, they were in no rush. Unfortunately, my baby required multiple rounds of cpr and interventions to save her and I required a three hour surgery to save me. 

She ended up staying 68 days in the NICU and suffered severe brain damage – an injury called HIE. 

Life after rupture has been difficult on so many levels. I’m almost six years into my journey and at this point, I can finally say I feel like I’m starting to emotionally heal. Six entire years it took. It’s been a lot of adjusting for everyone. Our lives are very different and will never be the same. It’s full of unknowns & I now live life day by day, hour by hour. I used to be a planner and plan for the future. But now I just try to get through the day. 

The emotions that come from planning for healthy baby and having your baby injured, in the hospital, I wouldn’t wish them on anyone. 

If I could go back in time, I would have refused the induction. There were so many dark gut feelings driving to the hospital. I should’ve listened to them, turned around, and gone home. Maybe then my baby’s life would’ve been spared.

I lost two second trimester pregnancies because of the rupture too. We had dreams of a big family & lots of kids. But I had to have a hysterectomy in 2021 because of the uterine damage caused from the rupture and I’ll never have another child.